2017年2月18日星期六

同是天涯沦落人吗?

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盼了很久,孩子终于都进入普通托儿所。也不是很普通,这家托儿所还是有和别家不同之处,他有自家的治疗师,所以托儿所有收特殊儿童。之前孩子报名但无法被接受,因为他不会走路。托儿所很好,一直替孩子把位子留着。直到今年一月,院长打电话通知我,不能再保留了,如果再不收留孩子,就得把位子让出来了。

所以,回家过年前,我比考试还紧张,把孩子带去托儿所,让治疗师看看状况,看看他们是否有信心让他加入大家庭。我们很想让孩子进入这家托儿所,我们希望他可以更快融入普通学习环境。再来,托儿所很靠近我家,走路可到。发现自己怀孕以后,我就一直担心,怎么把两个瓜带出门。带着新生儿在外头耗三个小时对新生儿不好,但是来回的时间都耗上一个小时,很费时费事。一直在想办法,都没想出所以然。

回家过年期间,托儿所电邮通知孩子过完年可进入托儿所。我们都松了一口气!真的是,来的太是时候了。

新学校新环境,哭是必然的。家长可以陪孩子三天。我天天都陪他在那里吃早餐(他爱吃,所以吃可以让他静下来),静下来以后我就悄悄的离开。第三天,我不走,我悄悄在课室后面观望。来了一位爱心洋溢在脸上的爸爸,我们两就聊了起来。

我问他哪位是他的孩子,才发现,啊,他孩子就是那位带着厚厚眼睛的小男孩。问他孩子什么事,才知道孩子是早产儿,出世才700公克,出世就挨过很多手术,前前后后在医院住过一年。还有一位女儿,和儿子是龙凤胎,比儿子更小,才600公克。现在还在特殊学校。两公婆和帮佣轮流两边跑,听得出来,那种累是没人可以了解的。可是,父亲眼里的爱,说起孩子的进展,嘴角牵起的微笑,让你深深体会父爱母爱的伟大。

我在后面观望了好一阵子,肚子饿的咕咕叫了,跟大家打声招呼就走了。回家路上,想着想着两个龙凤胎,眼泪忍不住流了下来。同是天涯论人,那种煎熬我明白。当初未能接受孩子的状况,常常以泪洗脸。现在也总算熬了过来。进展是有的,慢慢来吧~

可以的,加油。

2017年2月6日星期一

2016年6月3日


我有几本大大小小的笔记本。有些用过了,有些用完了,有些没用过。我从中学就有这种坏习惯,很喜欢买笔记本,然后,都不一定用上。曾经一度我发誓我再也不买了,然后我陆陆续续的,把手头上的笔记本都用完。真骄傲。

然后,世界上有样东西叫淘宝,坏习惯又来了~

去年,我买了一本,小小本的,其实完全不知道要用来干嘛,就是买了。然后去年五月,儿子生了一场大病入院。我在医院睡了几晚,几乎每晚都睡不着,就把笔记本带去,写起日记来。

这个年龄写日记不像以前那么认真。偶尔写几句,然后就搁在一旁,可能几个月都不会提笔。甚至忘记我几个月前有写过日记。

刚刚,我在给自己记下要为第二胎准备的事项,然后看着我很久没用的书桌,决定还是得理一理。就这样,翻开去年写下的日记。

就这一面,我只写下“为不是妈妈的自己加油”。

偶尔翻开日记是好事。

不是妈妈的我,是谁?想干什么?想成为什么?

不是妈妈的我没有什么伟大的梦想。但有很多很多想做的事,排山倒海的,要做都做不完。而且,有个坏习惯就是从来都不够专注,这里一点那里一点,结果总是做不完。

我在网上完成了两个简单的网络课程,一个是Introduction to Graphic Design, 一个是Introduction to Typography。
现在,我手头上玩玩的有,Handlettering、画卡片。
之前还和朋友讨论要画儿童书(我写她画),进行到一半没有进展。
收集了很多大大小小的玻璃罐想弄点小灯饰都还没弄。
买了几个米白色的环保袋想自己画点图案上去,结果不成功,还没有弄上一个。
之前买了acrylic paint,只画过两次。
我的50mm的摄影也停了好久。
我未读完的书本一堆又一堆。
我生锈了的手,在儿子还没出世之前弹的琴也搁了。
我的瑜伽也完全停了。
我还想尝试Adobe Illustrator来玩玩。

反正要学要做的很多,然后这边一点那边一点,都没完成。

跟自己说,不要紧,不要急。不是妈妈的我拥有的时间很少,有时候想做事,有时候什么事都不想做。所以,每件事都慢了下来。

只要有为不是妈妈的自己努力,哪怕一点,哪怕慢。

💪

2017年1月21日星期六

A Moment We've Been Waiting For

Yes, just walking into the classroom leisurely with new Mickey backpack

We've been waiting for this day to happen, to see our son walks independently. He is currently 2 years and 3 months old.

Have you seen movies where the parents were so happy when the baby makes the first step? Yea, it's not like what I have ever imagined. Our baby boy never did make a clear line of when was the day he finally took his first step.

He's been cruising around since... I can't even remember. He's been cruising long enough. And when I brought him to Sydney, he walked if I held his two hands behind him, he even chased seagulls like that. And then slowly we held one hand. And, we stuck at that stage for a very long time too. Then one fine day, he walked two steps towards me when I'm helping him to work out and warm up his muscles. And that too, we were stuck there for a long time.

And then two steps became three, became five, became ten, gradually. And finally this year, he walks into the classroom on his own. From the beginning of the year till this Wednesday, he still needed a lot of encouragement. I always drop him early, always one of the earliest to reach the center. And teachers are still not occupied at that time, and they form such an entourage. One will be helping him with his stuffs (parents are not allowed to accompany the child into the classroom), one will be in front of him to encourage him, to assure him that if he falls she'll be there, one will be at the side, one at the classroom calling his name etc. It is always a BIG thing when he walks in, every single time.

And this Wednesday, as I was talking to the director of the center, the teacher told me, he's already in the room. Whoa! That's my boy! And I thought, the backpack I ordered last month can finally be in good use! I've been waiting for this moment! This backpack is to symbolise that he finally made it, on his own! But unlike the movie, no tears, no drama, just simply happy and grateful.

Grateful that it finally happens! Grateful that it pays off, all our effort! Grateful that we've got all these helps from therapists and teachers!

Good job my boy! Good job!

2017年1月15日星期日

Mother's Luck, Mother's Instinct

My son is sick again. He has a tendency of febrile seizure when his body temperature goes too high or changes too quickly. We hate having him fever, not that any parents would like it, but when fit is in the equation, there's even more reason to hate!

He had blocked nose after we came back from Penang. We've watched him carefully, and yesterday the blocked nose seem to get better. We thought it is a relief. But we did notice he kept drinking water. He hates drinking water. But since very young, every time before he falls sick he would drink a lot, and double eyelid would develop. Now that the double eyelid is fully permanent, it's no longer an indication.

We all went to sleep like our usual arrangement. We on our bed, he in his baby cot right next to me. Peacefully, or so we thought.

In my sleep this morning, 6.33am to be exact, I heard his voice, but not the usual one. I did not know what caught me, I jumped up immediately and shouted to The Man to switch on the lights. And we caught him in the middle of the fit. The Man acted quicker than I do as usual, he handled everything while I watched the time, prepare medicine, water, wet handkerchief, everything to pat the temperature down.

When everything is under controlled, I can only say, I'm relieved and I'm shocked. I'm relieved that with pure luck and instinct as my friend said, I managed to hear the little noise from him in my deep sleep. I'm shocked that, what if I didn't catch it, what if none of us hear it, what will happen!!!

I'm keeping him close tonight when I sleep. Real close.

I love him no matter what, I want him to be strong, healthy and happy. He's always my baby.

A collage auto created by Google Photos, my lovely dearest son

2016年12月24日星期六

Modified Martha Stewart's Outrageous Chocolate Cookies

It's Christmas again! But this year, no party, no gift exchange, no... basically nothing.

But it doesn't feel like year end if I didn't fire up my oven and bake something. Plus I really want to give something to the school for helping all these months, so, I decided to bake the outrageous chocolate cookies I baked two year ago. And this first batch, as I remember it, was too sweet, even though I had already cut down the sugar from the original recipe.

It's so rich with chocolate, you'll have sore throat if you had too much!

So, when I decided to bake for second time, I know I still have to do something about the sugar level. So, this is what I do to make it somewhat to my likings.

Ingredients:

  • 4 ounces of semisweet chocolate, 4 ounces of unsweetened chocolate, roughly chopped
  • 4 tbsp of salted butter (I always use salted butter, no matter what the recipe suggests)
  • 2/3 cup of plain flour
  • 1/2 tsp of baking powder
  • 1/2 tsp of salt (but for this batch unfortunately I realized I accidentally put 1 tsp)
  • 2 large eggs
  • 120grams of brown sugar
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract
  • 12 ounces of semisweet chocolate chunks (I used chocolate buttons)

As of the methods, I followed exactly the same as the original recipe. My oven can be a little less hot on the bottom rack, so the bottom rack has to be baked for 15 minutes while the upper rack baked for 12 minutes. 

I packed the cookies into a very non glamorous disposable take away container (I wished I could have bought the nicer packaging on weekends when we go out) and drew a simple card and wrote a thank you note. 

I'm glad The Man told me it's good when I asked him to try (whether it's good enough to give away) and the lovely teachers told me it's nice too :)

I'm glad I made it, even though I finished baking after 12am! >.<

I actually love midnight baking.

Don't Take Things for Granted

Favourite spot in living room, on my coffee table

I have countless moments where I want to tell parents, don't complain, don't take this naughty action of your child granted, don't. Because you know what, I want that. Quite badly.

When my son finally climbed up to the coffee table (because my sister was seen by him eating banana in the video call we had), we cheered, we clapped for him, we encouraged him, we grinned from ear to ear. When he does that again and again, I don't stop him, I didn't tell him he's naughty, in fact, I told him he's doing well. Then he got down from the table, climb onto the sofa, and trying to reach the top of the sofa. I watched him closely, guided him, stood behind him in case he falls, but I wanted so badly to see him practice these skills.

I have IKEA catalog or some unwanted magazines around for him. So that he can flip them, so that he can tear them, it's just so that he can practice the not-so-commonly-thought-as-skills type of skills that he's lacking of. But I want him to be more consistent.

When he refused to sleep on our bed, and rolled down and got down of the bed on his own. I smiled. Let him walk around until he's satisfied before I put him back in his prison (cot) so that he can't get out anymore. But I'm proud that he had finally overcome his fear to get down of the bed on his own.

When he tried to reach for his Mickey Mouse in his cot from my bed, and accidentally fell into it. And not crying, just a bit frightened, I taught him how to get in properly. I taught him how to climb up to my bed when he wants to. Because, I want to know, so badly that he can do it.

And I'm so glad that he is now telling us he does not want something by shaking his head rigorously. Milk? No no! Carry? No no! A stranger auntie tried to touch him in hawker last weekend, he looked at her and shake his head. I was really glad auntie respected him and did not touch him. When The Man asked him, milk? He shook. And he asked again, "are you sure?", he nodded. Good boy, now I wasted much lesser milk than I did in past one month.

All these, listed above are some improvements achieved from time to time with a lot of practice, training, sweat and tears.

So, to all parents out there, please, don't take it for granted.